Forgive, Forget, Begin Again
by Shellybell
Summary: A story of forgiveness.Finn and Rachel aka Finchel Takes place after Christmas epi 2x10. Really not good at summaries sorry. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

-1Finn was laying on his bed with his hands behind his head and his feet hanging over the end of his bed just thinking about everything that happened in the past week. He was on his holiday vacation for Christmas; a holiday that he use to look forward to, but ever since the tree farm incident with Rachel on Wednesday he wasn't really in the mood to celebrate Christmas. He was so mad at her, he just couldn't understand how she could do this to him. After everything he's been through the past year with the whole Puck and Quinn thing he thought he deserved to be happy for a change. He felt as if it was inevitable that he was bound to be miserable and screwed over by girls.

He was roused from his thoughts by a knock at the door. Although he wasn't really in the humour for company he felt he should make an effort, after all it was Christmas time. 'Come in!' The invitation came out a bit harsher than he meant, but lately he was finding it hard to hide his emotions. He nearly cried the other day after football practice when he went to his gym locker and found an old note from Rachel. At the moment that note was under his pillow so he was close to her in someway.

Kurt opened the door and just stood there in the doorway looking at him as if he was afraid he was going to get the head chopped off him. He was looking forward to catching up with Finn, but if he was in such a sour humour he wasn't sure if he still wanted to. He decided to take his chances.

'Hey Finn, everything okay?' He took this opportunity to sit down on the computer chair Finn had at the computer desk he had in his room.

Finn didn't even bother to look up as he answered with a dejecting 'No!'

'What's wrong; is Rachel still angry with you over the whole sleeping with Santana thing?'

Finn sat up so he could actually see Kurt and propped himself up against his head board. 'No, actually I broke up with her. She kissed Puck to get back at me and I'm not ready to forgive her for it yet.'

'WOW! How come all the interesting stuff happens when I'm not there anymore?' Kurt received an icy glare from Finn when he said this.

'Yeah well I don't see why all the bad stuff has to happen to me all the time. God! I really thought Rachel was one of those good, nice, sweet girls. Sure she's definitely selfish and conceited as well but I honestly thought she loved me. Then she thinks after a couple of weeks I'm just going to be ready to forgive her. What she did was just mean. She knew how sensitive I was about Puck after the whole Quinn baby thing and she went off purposely to hurt me. I guess I never really knew her.' Finn stopped his rant when he saw the look on Kurt's face. 'What's that face for?'

'This face is because I can't believe the words that are coming out of your mouth. Did you ever say any of this to Rachel's face?' Kurt asked Finn really praying the answer would be no.

'Of course I told her I was annoyed about the kiss. I think she gets that by the whole break up thing.' Finn was kinda annoyed with Kurt. Finn was confused as to why Kurt was still looking at him like he was the fool when it was obvious that Kurt was the one who wasn't keeping up with the story.

'God and she's trying to get you back? She must really love you.' Kurt said absolutely shell shocked that his new step brother would actually say to his girlfriends face that she was selfish and conceited.

'I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't with her when I slept with Santana. I didn't cheat ,she cheated on me. Why are you taking her side?' Finn was fuming with Kurt. He thought brothers were meant to stick together. He obviously had a lot to teach Kurt about the brotherly rule.

'You honestly think you didn't do anything wrong? My god Finn you have to be the worst boyfriend in the history of the world I swear to Gucci, the amount of damage you've caused that girl over the past year is unimaginable and you can't forgive her for one kiss! You don't deserve her.' Kurt was looking at Finn like he had two heads. Finn clearly didn't know how good he had it with Rachel.

'What have I done over the past year that could ever cause her as much pain as I'm in now?'

'Well lets see shall we? Forgetting all the slushies that you threw at her, there was the fact that you kissed her while you were dating Quinn, and after you gave her, her first kiss you ran out of the auditorium and right back into the arms of your girlfriend at the time. You _**cheated **_on you're girlfriend again when you went on a date with Rachel to a bowling alley, only for Rachel to find out you were _**using her **_for your own _**selfish **_means , even then she still came back to Glee to help you out though. You can't possibly imagine what it must have felt like for her to have to sit in Glee and watch you fawn over your pregnant girlfriend and have to sing and dance with you while her heart was breaking. Then when you went and wailed on Puck and told all of us that you were done with us. Rachel was so upset that day; but of course you didn't care. Then the first time you were dating you broke up with her and told her that she wasn't good enough for you and your reputation. You flirted with other girls in front of her and just kept breaking her heart; and when you wanted to get back with her and she had a boyfriend you did everything you could to make her feel bad about it. So then you finally get together again and after she tells you she didn't sleep with Jesse you still lie about sleeping with Santana. You made her feel like crap Finn the whole time you were dating this time round too. You never stood up for her when anyone upset her. You laughed along with Santana when she made fun of the way Rachel looks and you're always telling her she's selfish. She' s given you so many chances it's hard to count and you can't give her one? Honestly?' Kurt finished his rant and let Finn digest what he just said.

'I wasn't that bad was I?' Finn asked with a look of utter shock on his face.

'Worse. I didn't even mention the time when Rachel ran into the bathroom crying after hearing you tell Ms. Pillsbury she had small boobs.'

'She heard that? Oh god I _**was **_a terrible boyfriend.'

'Yeah you were so maybe you should make up your mind if you forgive her or not because contrary to what you make her feel she is beautiful, and someone else will snatch her up.'

'I've told her she's beautiful.' Finn answered eager to defend himself.

'Not nearly enough. Finn she has such low self esteem. I mean have you not noticed all the extra weight she's lost? Or the fact that she's ditched all her horrible animal jumpers? She's trying to change herself so you'll think she's hot and beautiful like you think Santana is. Puck always calls her a hot Jew. It's probably the reason she went and kissed him in the first place. She just found out about you and the girl who torturers her and ran to someone who makes her feel hot.'

'How do you know all this actually?'

'Girls talk and they talk to me!' Kurt moved off the chair and walked towards the door.

'Finn I know you're my brother and all but she deserves so much better than you, and maybe you should realise that before she does.'

Finn lay back down on his bed when Kurt left the room and just thought back over what Kurt said, and more that Kurt didn't even know about; like all those times he stood her up for dinner, or the times when he use to ignore her in the halls or bleachers so he wouldn't be associated with her. After about fifteen minutes of thinking he came to the conclusion that he was in fact the worst boyfriend in the history of the world, but the main thing he came to realise was that after all he's done wrong on her; she definitely deserves a second chance.

Finn hopped up off his bed threw his shoes and jacket on and made his way out his door, into his car and over to Rachel's. Kurt was looking out of his window and smiled when he saw Finn peal away in the direction of Rachel's house.

Once he got there he haphazardly parked his car in front of her house and ran up to the door to ring the doorbell. Rachel who had been hanging around the house in a hoody and sweats opened the door with puffy red eyes and shock clearly registering across her face when she saw Finn there. She had spent all day thinking about him and putting away everything that reminded her of him in a box that is now well and truly hidden under a pile of extra blankets in the spare room. It was too painful having anything of his around. She couldn't handle it.

'Finn what are you doing here?' She was hoping he wasn't here to ask for his Finn necklace back as that was under a whole pile of junk in that box and she wasn't in the humour of reopening all the scars she had already had to open today.

'I forgive you Rachel. I still don't think that what you did was nice or fair to me, but I forgive you and I think we should get back together again. You can be my girlfriend again.' Finn said smiling down at her.

Her heart ceased in her chest. If only he had said this on Wednesday or any day before today she would have said yes in a heartbeat and thank all the Broadway Gods for giving her this second chance. However after a day of looking back over her and Finn's relationship she came to the conclusion that he never really loved her. If he loved her he would have forgiven her before now and he never would have made her feel as bad as she felt for the last year. She didn't want to move on she really didn't because she undoubtedly loved him with all her heart; but the problem was her heart wasn't whole anymore. Finn had been chipping away at her heart from the moment he joined Glee and after all the heartache he caused her she just had nothing left to give. She felt as if her heart was just a pile of dust in her chest barely beating.

'That's great that you forgive me Finn. I'm glad; but I don't forgive you.' Rachel said in a small scratchy voice. She was trying to hide the fact that she had spent all day crying, but she knew she wasn't doing a good job.

Finn's smile dropped right off his face from this revelation. This was not the reaction he thought he would get. He thought he would still make it out to be her fault so he didn't draw attention of how shit of a boyfriend he had been. Clearly this was not the direction to go.

'What do you mean? On Wednesday you wanted to get back together.'

'Yeah on Wednesday before you left me at a tree farm with no way of getting home. Wednesday when I had to walk eight miles home as it began to rain and my dads are out of town so I had no lift. Wednesday before I realised you never loved me, because if you did you could never hurt me like you have this past year. I realise I messed up, but you messed up first and I forgave you so many times Finn, so many times. If you even cared for me one bit you wouldn't have left me there on Wednesday with no way to get home and I didn't even have my rape whistle, I was so scared and you didn't even care. So now I'm done caring about you. Happy Christmas Finn, you'll obviously be happier without me.'

With tears streaming down her face she closed the door on him. She hunched down to the ground behind the door as her body was wracked with heart wrenching painful sobs and just let her emotions flow.

This was the last noise Finn heard as he headed towards his car, already coming up with a plan of action to get his girl back and show her how much he cared.


	2. Grand Gestures

-1

**Hey I hope you enjoy. **

Rachel sat in her position on the floor for about an hour before she got up and went into the kitchen to have a drink. She turned on the lights and went over to the cupboard where she kept the glass that her mom had given her. She let the water run for a while to make sure it was nice and cool. After a day of crying and heartbreak she really needed a drink to stop her throat from feeling so scratchy. As she filled the glass and took a sip she couldn't help but think about her mom. Unfortunately the only thing that was running through her mind was that she was just another person in her life that didn't love her. She couldn't understand how her own mother could just reject her, especially after all the trouble she went to reaching Rachel. Rachel let a sob tear from her lips and without giving it a second thought smashed the glass off the counter top.

She looked down at all the shards of glass on the floor and immediately bent down to pick it up. She couldn't believe she had just done that. It was the only thing other than the tape of her mom singing that she had belonging to Shelby. It was the only thing she would ever have and she destroyed it. She was trying to pick up all the glass but with her eyes blurry from crying she couldn't really see what she was doing. The doorbell ringing made Rachel jump and she cut her hand off all the glass she had collected in it. She got up on shaky legs and dropped the glass in the bin. She couldn't even think about what to do next, she couldn't think straight. Whoever was at the door was still ringing the bell and her hand was letting out a steady stream of blood, not to mention she was in severe pain both physically and emotionally.

The person at the door was becoming more and more persistent . Rachel grabbed a towel off the table and wiped her eyes with it. Then she wrapped it around her hand and went to open the door . She definitely wasn't expecting to see Kurt standing there but there he was with a small indulgent smile on his face. His eyes travelled over Rachel's form. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he realised that Rachel was bleeding.

'Oh god Rachel what happened?' He took the towel off around her hand and had a look at the damage caused.

'I broke a glass and I was just tidying up when I cut myself.' Rachel didn't remove her hand from Kurt's.

'And you used your hands? That was a really stupid thing to do Rachel.'

'I know.' She could have called Kurt out and blamed him for her cutting her hand. If he hadn't been ringing the bell, she wouldn't have gotten a fright and she wouldn't have cut herself; but she just didn't have the energy to fight anymore.

'Come on we'll take care of this.' Kurt kept pressure on Rachel's hand with the towel and tried to stop the blood from dropping onto his new jacket. When they got into the kitchen Kurt deposited Rachel into one of the six seats at the round oak kitchen table.

'Where do you keep your plasters?'

'Far right press top left hand side.'

Kurt retrieved the plasters,, dampened a cloth and made his way back over to Rachel. He pulled a chair out for himself and sat down. He pulled her hand into his lap and started cleaning away the glass that was still in her gash. He figured she must be in a lot of pain because her cut was at least an inch wide and was pretty deep.

'Thanks for helping Kurt.' Kurt looked up at the sound of Rachel talking to double check it was actually her who had spoken. She wasn't at all like the old Rachel; she was weak and vulnerable and it was at this moment in time that Kurt finally realised how fragile and small she was. She was such a good actress always giving off the air like nothing anybody said mattered, but from the state she was in today Kurt could tell she cared more than he thought.

'It's okay. Just don't go making this a habit. Rachel, I heard about you and Finn and I'm so sorry. I know how much you love him and I'm sorry you're in pain right now.' Rachel looked down to her lap and tried to will the tears away. She wasn't used to people being nice to her. Before this whole thing started she had barely any friends in Glee and now she had even less. No one wanted to hear her side of the story or how she felt . They all just cared about Finn; and that was okay because she knows that if she was in their boat she'd take Finn's side too, because even though he was a real jerk to her , he was still the sweet footballer that she fell in love with in the first place.

'What's it like Kurt?'

Kurt tried to catch Rachel's eyes as he placed the plaster over her cut after wiping it clean with the cloth. 'What's what like?'

'Being in a school where not everybody hates you. Where nobody bullies you . A place where you actually have friends? I know you were having a hard time before you left and I just want to know what it's like to actually not have everybody in your life hate you.'

'Not everybody hates you Rachel. Your dad's love you , and I like you now that I don't have to compete against you for solos and Finn loves you.' Kurt's heart was aching for Rachel. He never realised how lonely she was before.

'My dad's have to love me it's part of an unwritten parental code. But people who have the choice don't love me. Everyone in Glee despises me, I get slushied the most in the whole school, no one likes me there. Finn doesn't love me either. He would have forgiven me long before now if he loved me.' Rachel let out a deep sigh before she continued spilling her feelings out.

'My mom doesn't even love me. Did you know it was her plan to come and find me and get to know me and then as soon as she met me she didn't want anything to do with me? She couldn't even spend twenty minutes in my company without hating me. I'm just not lovable, and I don't understand why. I don't understand what I'm doing that makes people want to make me miserable. I've spent the last week in school trying to dodge slushies and avoiding the others from Glee because they've been giving me stink eyes. I sit by myself for every class and eat my lunch in the auditorium. You say you like me, but why? I'd like to know so I can be more like that and people can stop hating me, because it's just getting too much to handle .' Rachel's eyes were pleading with Kurt to help her, but he just didn't know what to do in this situation. He had experience with bullying and he was lucky enough to transfer into an environment that allowed him to be who he was without fear of a slushie facial. He however never felt as if he had nobody to turn to; even in his time of need he had to whole of the Glee club to stand behind him. A club that included Rachel and from what he heard it was her idea to get the boys to stand up to Karofsky for him.

'Rachel there's so many great qualities about you that people choose to ignore because they're jealous of you. Before I left McKinley you and I didn't get on that great, we had our moments of friendship but it never went beyond a few duets with each other. When I left though and I wasn't competing against you I realised all the amazing things about you. You're so talented , beautiful and sweet. I know it was you who encouraged the guys to stand up for me in the locker room that time, and I'm so grateful that you did. You're also one of the strongest people I know. You go into that school everyday where you get tormented and you never let anyone know that they've gotten to you. You don't break under pressure , a feat which I truly admire you for and you're so enthusiastic.'

Rachel was shaking her head as Kurt was listing out everything he liked about her. 'The thing is Kurt I'm not strong I come home crying some day's and some mornings when I wake up I really feel bad about myself. I'm such a horrible person for what I did to Finn and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that. He came over today and apologised to me and said I could be his girlfriend again, but I told him no. But looking back on it now I'm not sure why.'

'You said no because he was a jerk to you, and he's after realising that; I'm sure of it. Just give him some time and give yourself some time and see how you feel in another week. I think the reason you're feeling so low at this point is because of what happened with you and Finn. You just broke up with someone that you love and you had no one there to talk to. Pick yourself up and get your confidence back, and realise that you're still a star.'

Rachel couldn't help but laugh at Kurt. He always understood her fondness for her star metaphor, after all as far as Rachel was concerned he too was a star in the making.

'Thanks Kurt. It really helped talking with you . I'm so glad that we're friends now.'

'Me too Rachel.' Kurt couldn't help but return the smile that Rachel was now gracing him with. It wasn't her usual megawatt smile but it was getting there, and he was glad that he could help.

'Oh thanks for helping with cleaning up my cut. I'm actually kind of upset that I smashed the glass, it was the only thing my mother ever gave me as a present.' When Kurt saw the despondency in Rachel's eyes he couldn't help but curse that woman out in his head.

'Rachel believe me when I say it was her loss.' Kurt moved from his seat and reached in his pocket for his car keys.

'I'm going to go home and give you time to relax; but Rachel if you need anything give me a call and I'll be here in a heartbeat, or call Finn and he'll be here even faster.'

'No he won't and I'm not sure I'd want him to be. I love him I honestly do, but I don't think love is meant to hurt this much.'

'I think you'll find that if it wasn't love it wouldn't hurt at all.'

Finn left Rachel's feeling completely dejected, but determined to succeed in winning her back; he just wasn't too sure how to go about doing that. He decided that he should probably ask his mom for some help. She always got along with Rachel, in fact she was nearly as upset as he was when he told her they broke up. He didn't tell her why though, and at the time he wasn't sure why but something told him not too. He thinks he knows now why he didn't tell her; he knew she'd be disappointed in the way he treated her. He didn't want to see that look in his mother's eyes again. Especially after he had to see if for so long after she discovered Quinn was pregnant. He knew though that he'd have to tell her everything now so that she would know how to help him.

He made his way up to his moms bedroom and knocked on the door. He was answered with 'Come on in!' from a very happy sounding Carroll. He was hoping she'd still be happy with him once he explained why he needed her help.

'Oh Finn, are you okay you look a bit sick?' Carroll came over to Finn and pressed her palm against her sons head to check if he had a temperature, when she felt his cool brow she began to relax.

'Mom I need your help getting Rachel back.' Finn figured it would better if he just came straight out with what he needed instead of pussy-footing around it.

'Oh honey, that is so great! Well what do you need help with?' Carroll could barely contain her excitement. She loved having another girl around to talk to and she got on so well with Rachel. She thought it was great the way she had her whole life mapped out and reached for the stars, and encouraged Finn to study to fulfil his dreams.

'I need to win her over, so she'll take me back. I need to prove to her that I care for her and that I love her and I need to do it in a way that will never make her question my feelings for her ever again.' Finn plopped himself down on his moms bed and looked up at her with his big puppy dog pleading eyes.

'Honey, I'm confused I thought you broke up with her. I'm sure if you just asked her out she'd take you back. She loves you that's clear to anyone.' Carroll sat down beside her son on the bed and prepared herself to give him her undivided attention.

'That's where I was this afternoon though asking her to be my girlfriend again but she said no, and to be honest I don't blame her. I realised what a horrible boyfriend I was and I don't deserve her, but that doesn't stop me from wanting her.'

Carroll was truly trying to process everything that Finn said in order to give him a helpful response, but like most mothers she had no clue what was going on in her child's love life so her processing was hitting a brick wall.

'Can you tell me what caused you two to break up and then maybe I can help, because as of right now I don't know how severe the situation is.'

This is the moment Finn was dreading but he knew it was a necessary evil in order to get Rachel back, and he knew it was about time he started putting her first instead of himself. So basically for the next half an hour he sat there and talked to his mom about every tiny facet of his and Rachel's relationship. He explained to her about him cheating on Quinn and kissing Rachel, he told her about using Rachel in order to get a scholarship, how he broke her heart when he dumped her in the middle of school and flaunted the fact that he was going on a date with two Cheerios. He explained how he made Rachel feel like crap over dating Jesse and how he was secretly hoping that he would break her heart. Then he came to the point where he told her about sleeping with Santana.

When Carroll heard this piece of news she knew where this story was headed, and even though she hated to think ill of any child she now really hated that girl with a passion. She chose to remain quiet and listen to Finn finish his story. The last thing he needed was her judging him or complaining about a choice he couldn't take back; however that didn't mean that she wasn't dying to ask him if used protection, but she knew she should leave that to a later date.

Finn continued his story by telling his mom how he told Rachel he loved her and how her face looked. He told her about Rachel telling him that she didn't really sleep with Jesse and how he kept quiet and let Rachel believe they were both virgins. He told her about how he never stood up for her against all the people who picked on her and how he sometimes laughs with them so he doesn't get picked on. He finally told her how the whole Santana sex lies came to a head. He expressed how foolish he was for not explaining to Rachel that she was who he thought was beautiful and how he regretted calling Santana super hot. By the time he told his mom about Rachel kissing Puck and their whole break up in a tree farm he was bawling his eyes out.

Carroll took Finn into her arms much like she did the day she came home from work to see Finn singing to a sonogram. She rocked him and promised him everything would be okay, but she couldn't help but think that he really messed it up.

Eventually Finn's tears died down and he sat away from his mom so he could hear her words of wisdom.

'Well Finn, that's a lot going on there. Why did you feel as if you couldn't forgive her in the first place that's what I don't understand? You say you love her and after hearing about all the times she forgave you, why couldn't you forgive her?'

'I don't know, I guess I was just being selfish and was only thinking about how I was hurting. I didn't really think about what she was feeling. I never even apologised for sleeping with Santana. I wish I could go back in time and just break up with Quinn as soon as I realised I liked Rachel. I would have saved her and me a lot of pain if I did that.'

'You have to go easier on yourself. You're seventeen years old and you've had to deal with a lot the past year.' Carroll was trying to comfort her son but she could see that it wasn't working.

'Yeah but so has Rachel and she's sixteen. Can you just help try and formulate a plan to get her back?' Finn was starting to get annoyed with his mom trying to justify his actions, as he knew he was wrong.

Carroll raised her eyebrows at the use of Finn's choice of words. 'Formulate? Since when did you start using the thesaurus?'

'Rachel got me a word a day calendar, she said it would help me later in life having a wider vocabulary.'

If it was at all possible Carroll felt she fell in love with Rachel a bit more.

'Okay well it seems to me like you're going to have to woo her. Rachel loves romance movies and books and she's going to want that from you. What's her favourite movie?' Carroll asked her son.

'Well she loves Funny Girl.' Carroll had no idea what this was about and so presumed it was a musical.

'A movie other than a musical would be better.'

'Ahh, she really likes Sleepless in Seattle and that movie 'The Notebook.'

'Okay well those movies are all about grand gestures and guys that are so romantic they make every girl in the world swoon. I think if you show her that you're willing to put in effort she'll start to reconsider taking you back.'

'Yeah? I could do that. So will you help me come up with something to get her attention?' Finn was starting to become hopeful, his mom sure seemed to be using the word romance a lot and that lead him to believe that he was on the right track.

His mom and him sat on her bed for another hour discussing a plan of action, before they started to put the plan in motion. He just hoped it worked because he was really missing her, and he wanted her back for Christmas, and if he wanted that wish to come true he only had four days left to impress her and win her heart over.

**Okay so that's that. Who doesn't love a bit of Romance. Let's hope Finn's plans work. **

**So I just wanted to thank everyone who left a reply or added me to their alerts and favourites, it means so much to me. I encourage everyone to give me feedback so I know if you're enjoying the story. Just please try not to make the criticism too harsh, I'm in a very fragile state at the moment due to the added stress of Christmas exams. (haha if you ask me they should be banned, they ruin Christmas don't they?) I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope to get another one up this weekend, but I'm not sure if that will happen with study and all. **

**Thanks for taking the time out to read this.**

**Love Shelly xx**


	3. Heart Shaped Messages

It had just turned seven o'clock and Rachel had already felt like she had gone through a world wind of a day. Her plan was to have a shower and then bundle herself up in bed to enjoy some sleep. The only problem was that by the time she managed to tuck herself into bed and get settled for the night she couldn't switch her mind off. She kept thinking back to how she had said no to Finn. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. But now as she was lying in her bed, in her big empty house she couldn't help but look back in regret about her decision. For the past couple of weeks since her split with Finn she has felt so lonely. She only realised after the break-up how much time they actually spent together, and even when they weren't together they would spend the day texting and calling each other. To make matters worse her dads were gone away to visit relatives in Florida and they weren't going to back until after the New Year. Usually Rachel would go with them but she decided that she wanted to stay home with Finn this year. This decision was obviously made before the whole break up. Her dads had tried to book her on the flight with them but it was sold out. They did offer to stay at home, but she insisted they go. She thought it was a good idea at the time. It would give her time to mope and what girl doesn't need a good mope after a break- up? But now she could just add that decision to her regret pile too. She just wanted to be wanted and she couldn't help but think that her dads really weren't that pushed to bring her with them.

Her phone lit up on the nightstand and as she picked it up she held hope that it was Finn texting her trying to woo her over again. Unfortunately the message was just from one of the girls from her ballet class asking her if she had her pointe shoe. Rachel threw the phone back onto her nightstand and shoved her head under her pillow and let out a groan of frustration. She didn't know what she wanted anymore she was too fickle for her own good. She loves Finn and she knows that she probably always will. She figured that the old saying was true that if you let something go and it comes back to you, well then you were meant to have it. Well she had certainly been let go from Finn often enough to prove that she wanted him. The only problem was that he never proved that he wanted her. During the time that she was dating Jesse she gave Finn the chance to fight for her and he never really did. That's something else that's bothering her and why she's not too sure if she wants to take Finn back. He only ever seems to really actually want her when he can't have her.

He wanted her when he was dating Quinn. He had used Rachel during that time it was true but it was also a certainty that he did have feelings for her then. He didn't want to break up with Quinn to date Rachel because of the baby. But after the paternity of the father was discovered he didn't want to be with her. They were both free agents at the time and he had her he had her right there and he gave her up like it meant nothing to him, like _she _meant nothing to him. As soon as Rachel and Jesse began a relationship though he was all over her; telling her that she deserved someone better than Jesse and that he could treat her better. So after the break-up with Jesse she gave Finn a shot and look how that turned out. Crap!

Rachel realised though it wasn't just the last few weeks of the relationship that had been bad it had been rocky since they started back to school. He made her feel ugly and unwanted. He didn't treat her better than Jesse had like he promised he would. He was mean and kind of a bully at times. How could he let all those jocks push her into the lockers and laugh? Or agree with Santana, who was just a callous bitch? He cared too much about his reputation and didn't care enough about her. Rachel feared during the summer that their relationship would change as soon as they stepped back into the halls of McKinley and it turns out she was so right to worry.

The thing that bothered Rachel the most though was that Finn made her feel like a loser as if she was worthless. He was embarrassed of her and she felt he hid their relationship a lot of the time too. He was never open to kissing her in school or being affectionate during lunch, which Rachel use to just ignore and accept it, but now lying there with her head shoved under a pillow his flaws as a boyfriend just became more and more clearer. He was always really lovey- dovey with Quinn when they were dating and although Rachel would admit she had no real proof she was pretty sure that if Finn were to date Santana he would display her to the school and not ignore her.

The only thing was though Rachel _did_ love him and she didn't hide her relationship and she was proud of him. That's what was so hard about all this. Yeah he made mistakes and if she were to take him back there would need to be some serious changes. He couldn't continue to be this cruel to her and still expect her to respect him, because it was obvious to her that he _did not_ respect _her_.

Rachel pulled her head out from under the pillows and tried to make her mind concentrate on anything else other than Finn. After all she had her chance to take him back today and she had rejected him. Finn wasn't one to push for anything so she knew that the likely hood of him trying to win her back again was practically non-existent, and she definitely wasn't going to crawl back to him … no matter how much she wanted to at that moment in time. This afternoon she was so sure she was doing the right thing. It was after the talk with Kurt that her mind began to sway to different scenarios of her and Finn together again. Scenarios that left her clutching her aching chest.

She refused to cry again so she forced her mind to concentrate on math theroms, she was sure that would put her to sleep in no time and you know what? She was right. Her head was heavy on the pillow practically as soon as she began reciting the first therom and by the third she was dead to the world.

While Rachel had spent the rest of the afternoon crying over Finn and what was left of their relationship, Finn spent the day being pro-active with his mom. The first thing he did was put in a standing order at the flower shop around the corner from Rachel to deliver bouquets of tulips and bluebells to her house on each of the four days leading up to Christmas. Thanks to his moms credit card this part of his plan was relatively easy. He already knew what her favourite flowers were because during the summer her dad brought her home a bunch of them and she said that they were the most perfect flowers ever. His mom said sending the flowers was a good way of showing Rachel that he listened to her. Finn liked his moms reasoning behind this because he wanted to prove to Rachel that he did listen to her. Sure he use to tune her out a lot but if he got her back he swore he would listen to every little utterance of a sound that ever came out of her mouth.

The next thing he did was go out and buy a Christmas tree and decorations. He wanted to have a Christmas with Rachel he really did. So he went down to the local hardware store and bought a fake Christmas tree. Rachel seemed to prefer this type of tree because they were the ones she used in the auditorium that day that he was rude, hurtful and everything that he had no right to be. He could see now how much time and effort she had put into preparing that for him and all he could concentrate on was the fact that she didn't use real trees. Is he a jerk or what? He also realised after purchasing a fake Christmas tree that she spent a lot of money as well. For fuck sake were they really charging people two hundred dollars for a tree? What a rip. Rachel was totally worth it though. At least that's what he kept telling himself to force himself to part with the money he had saved up from his job at 'Sheets and Things.'

His next stop while he was out was to go out and buy Rachel a present that she would love. His mom offered to come and help but he wanted to do this part by himself. He wanted to prove that he could actually be a good boyfriend and pick something out that she would love. This task however was proving harder and harder by the second. Each store he went into seemed to have all these things that he was sure other girls would love like perfume and bath sets and other junk that some girls like. But Finn didn't want any of that. He loved the way Rachel smelt and he didn't want her to change. He also didn't want to buy her make-up because she was beautiful without it. Chocolates were out of the question because he was never too sure if she could eat them or not. He was pretty sure there was no animal in them but he bought her ice-cream before and she said she couldn't eat that and he was pretty sure at the time that there weren't animals in it. If he did get Rachel back he would have to get her to explain to him exactly what a vegan was because he wasn't sure.

Eventually after going into practically every shop that had that special he was looking for. It was a small little jewellers, but unlike the other jewellery shops he passed along the way this one had really beautiful pieces that seemed to focus on sentimentality as opposed to gaudiness. When Finn walked into the shop he immediately found exactly what he was looking for. It was a charm bracelet with a gold delicate chain. Some of the links were interwoven with each other and inside the interwoven parts of the chain were little hearts that said things like love and heart. Finn figured this was perfect because he loved her and she most certainly had his heart.

'Would you like to see it out of the case sir?' Finn looked up to see a man in his sixties on the other side of the counter in a waistcoat looking expectantly at him.

'Ah yeah um could I?

'Of course you may.' The man took the bracelet out of the case and showed it to Finn.

'Yeah I'd like to take it please.'

'Do you need any charms for it sir?' The man asked.

'Oh yeah I do.' Finn felt embarrassed that he nearly forgot that part of the present. He got side tracked on how perfect the present was for Rachel that he didn't even think of the charms.

'They're just over here sir. There are charms that double as frames if you're looking for something more sentimental. I can send the charm and a picture into to the photo shop next store and have the charm back in an hour if that would interest you also.'

'Thanks.' Finn took his time looking through the charms and picked out eight that he liked. He figured he could add to it any time he wanted if Rachel took him back. He tried to pick things that either represented Rachel or him and Rachel. He chose a star for obvious reasons. A flower because Rachel really seemed to like them and they were going to be stage one of his master plan. He decided to pick a treble clef charm because she loved music and he loved music and he knew that she would like it. The fourth charm he chose was of a pair of ballet slippers. Rachel was an amazing ballet dancer. She didn't know that he saw her dance before, but one time during the summer he was early picking her up from her ballet class and he sat and watched her dance. She really was breath taking. The next charm he chose was of a piano. Not a lot of people knew this but Rachel was an amazing pianist. She had confided in him that she even prefers playing piano to singing so he figured that was a safe bet too. He chose a charm of a pair of drumsticks. He knew that technically this referred more to him as a person rather than he and Rachel as a couple but he wanted Rachel to remember him when she wore it … if she wore it. The seventh charm was all Rachel though. It was a charm of a girl standing on a stage singing and you could see little hands applauding in front of the stage. This charm was to represent her dream and that he would support her. The last charm was something to represent the two of them; it was a frame charm in the shape of a heart. This charm was chosen because he wanted Rachel to know that she had his heart completely forever, no matter what. Even if she didn't forgive him and take him back, it would always be hers.

He brought the charms over to the stores salesman who already had to bracelet sitting in a red velvet box.

'I want to get these charms, and could you get a picture put into this one for me?' Finn asked showing the man which charms he had picked out.

'Certainly sir, do you have a picture with you?' The salesman asked while depositing the charms minus the frame charm into another jewellery box.

'Yeah um hold on a sec.' Finn reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He removed the picture of him and Rachel that he had in there. It was taken during the summer. Rachel was sitting on Finn's lap with her arms wrapped around his neck. Her eyes were closed and her head was leaning on his shoulder. Finn had his arms around Rachel's waist and he was kissing her forehead. Rachel didn't know that Finn had that picture in there. He liked to pull it out whenever he was missing her. It was beginning to get worn with how often he had pulled it out the last few days. He really hoped this would work because he wasn't sure how much longer he could stand holding a picture instead of holding her.

'Can I use this one please?' Finn asked handing the photo over to the man.

'Of course no problem, would you like to pay now or when you come back?'

'I'll pay now, while I have my wallet out if that's okay.' Finn said as he pulled out his laser card that was seriously starting to run low. Thank god his mom said she'd pay for the flowers.

'Okay so that's going to be one hundred and fifty-nine dollars and twenty two cents.' Finn couldn't help but notice that all of that cost less than that Christmas tree he bought.

'And here's your receipt sir. The charm should be ready in about an hour, so if you come back then I'll have it waiting for you.' The man said smiling at Finn.

'Thank you.' Finn turned around to leave the store but he was stopped in his tracks by the man calling him back.

'Sir?'

'Yeah?'

'She' s beautiful.' He held up the pictured and pointed to Rachel.

'I know…. She really is.' Finn couldn't help the smile that emerged on his face. He would have to tell Rachel he said that.

Finn walked out of the store only to return an hour later to collect the charm.

As he was lying in bed that night he couldn't help but think that maybe she'd take him back. That if she loved him even half as much as he loved her she'd have to take him back. Even though he knew didn't deserve her.

He'd just have to wait until tomorrow to find out.

**I am so sorry about the long wait. Christmas got the best of me. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Happy New Year. Just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed, you're reviews mean so much thank you. **

**xx**


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